I have attempted to reflect on 2019 a couple of times yet the words still continue to feel a little messy & imperfect. Quite fitting for a year that felt just like that. But I'll go ahead & try anyway -
Simply put, this year was full of very high highs & many low lows.
In 2019, we celebrated ten imperfect, hard & wonderful, life-changing years of marriage. Being Luke's wife is indeed my biggest life accomplishment. In 2019, we also both turned 30 (they were right - there's just something really stretching about turning thirty).
Our business flourished & our team doubled in size to include the most amazing people I have the true honor of working alongside each & every day.
We traveled a ton (Hawaii, you are an absolute dream & we miss you every day!), ate such good food & stuffed a hell of a lot of living into 365 days.
In 2019, we also grieved. We learned to live life alongside loss & I am forever changed by this very hard lesson. My best friend moved. We left our church & inevitably the community within. I made some painful yet necessary choices within our business, navigating what sometimes felt like the loneliest journey as a leader.
I came face-to-face with my food addiction & began the path to healing with my therapist. I committed to close friendships, started a book club & made these life-giving relationships a priority. I honored my day off more times than not, but struggled to figure out what to do when not at work. I became a student in the art of not giving a shit & still continue to learn what it looks like to pave my own path, not the one others would be more pleased with me to follow.
My word for 2019 was grow & without a doubt, I did, in fact, painfully & without choice, do just that.
It was necessary growth & I believe it's the start of something powerful & undeniably good in 2020.
As I set my eyes on 2020, I am determined to continue down a path of healing.
I am stubbornly convinced that this is Not Quite It. There's more growing, more learning, more digging deep to do.
And quite frankly, I did not choose my 2020 word. My 2020 word chose me.
Discipline.
It's a hard word for me, friends. As I sat down with my therapist & began to uncover what this word might mean for my year & life, I began to full-body sob. I am even tearing up just writing this now.
Because in almost every aspect of my life, I have failed at discipline. As an enneagram 7, the word "no" is simply not part of my vocabulary.
Yet here I am facing my own demons & committing to Discipline in 2020.
For me, Discipline looks like:
- Sitting with my innate desire to always say yes & learning the art of saying no in order to pursue what's most important.
- Equipped with the knowledge I gained in 2019, committing once again to my Weight Watcher journey & wellbeing.
- Reducing our travel schedule (yet not entirely - it is our favorite hobby!) for lazy weekends at home, short excursions in our camper & lots of reading/gardening/swimming.
- Challenging my need for more. While we do save for rainy days, I want to get a little closer to the basics. For starters, I plan to not buy clothing for the next three full months (with the exception of a new pair of jeans I plan to purchase today & a couple of things - such as a rash guard - for our annual trip in February).
- Bring a book, instead of my phone, into the tub with me.
I am excited, energized & determined to make 2020 count.
What is your one word for 2020?
See my words since 2013 here & comment below with yours!
love,
natalie
8 comments:
Thank you for your vulnerability, Natalie. Often, we see carefully curated reflections at this time of the year and I love your honesty and heart that you bring to your platform. My word this year is “cultivate,” and I’m excited to work towards gently creating and nurturing the life I have been wanting for myself. Happy New Year!
Thank you for your inspiring words! My word this year is Balanced. As in: I want to create a balanced life of my blossoming entrepreneurship and family which requires me to focus and be engaged 100% in the present.
I can relate 100% except I have been married 33 years, we have owned our own small business for almost 27 years, and autoimmune issues have been thrown in the mix for me as well. Recently I listened to a podcast about the fruit of the Spirit, particularly about self control and I was totally gut punched with how much I love control but lack self control. So that’s my word or focus for the coming year. Will be praying for God to kindly and graciously walk us both through the coming days and whatever battles we must engage in. Fighting Self is never easy, but it’s worth it!
I’ve been following you for years on Instagram as @snakeoakfarm :) You’ve brought a lovely journey and so many beautiful pictures. I want to encourage you to read the book Brightline Eating by Susan Thompson. She is a good addict. I am a food addict. I have never succeeded at willpower or discipline with regard to food. She is a PHD and she explains why happy confident people like us continue to fail. She explains the science. I’ve been using her Bright Lines to stop my addiction for three weeks and my brain is already starting to feel free. Please Natalie, go read it. I’m in no way affiliated with her. Good luck from a fellow small business woman with too much on her plate!! ;)
Very powerful post - thanks so much for sharing! ❤️
Your openness is refreshing! Thanks for sharing. My best friend moved this year too, and it ended up being even harder than I thought it would be.
Discipline is such a powerful word for the year! I love that! All the best!
Praying for your new year and this new journey. Thank you for the vulnerable post. Life is tough- seasons are tough. Be strong!
Good to see you back, I love your blog. Don't be too hard on yourself--at past 40, I think too much of my early adulthood was spent seeking perfection. But do what makes you feel healthy and strong. I love the hard work you put into your relationship, that is rare and wonderful in this society.
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