thank you.


thank you. really, i cannot tell you how thankful i am for your words of {encouragement} & {comfort}. i am always so humbled when i realize how much this little blogging community means to me. you are all such a blessing to my life. all i can say is thank you.

and just as an update, i wanted to let you know that i am finally feeling more like myself. the past few weeks, for me, have been such a struggle. i felt so empty, so purposeless. i would spend my week going to class, going to work, and coming home exhausted & worn-out, only to eat dinner & be left with piles of dirty dishes in the sink & homework left unfinished. i would look forward to the weekend, to a break, but it would past by so quickly, until i would wake-up on monday morning wondering if there was a break at all. i felt so frazzled, so empty, so purposeless. i would look forward to weekends spent with my mom and date nights with luke, but at the end of those times, i was left unfulfilled. finally, at what i felt like the end of my strength & my sanity, i broke down. to be quite honest, i had never felt so dark, so sad.
i realized that i had been living on repeat. school, work, dinner, homework, sleep. school, work, dinner, homework, sleep. repeat. repeat. repeat....
through the tears, the frustruation, the helplessness, i began to pray. i began to journal. i closed the laptop & went outside. i turned on a little frank sinatra & slowly made lunch. i picked up a book, of my own choosing, & began to read. i began knitting, using my hands to create something else. slowly, i began to feel lighter, the weight of life lifted off my shoulders. i thanked God for the little moments of silent in my day. i relished in the present, not the future relief to come.
naturally, i know that there is still sadness to come. these little changes do not resolve life's hectic pace & fleeting time. but- i do now know that these moments will pass.... and there is something so much greater to look forward to.

thank you for reading.

love,
natalie

9 comments:

shari said...

so glad to hear it natalie! it is definitely no fun to feel like you are repeating a cycle that isn't working for you. i'm glad you are feeling better. xo

Luke Freeman said...

Natalie, your words are beautiful. Beautiful because they contain so much truth and honesty. I'm happy that we're getting though these struggles and finding a better way to live--together.

love,
Luke

Julia said...

so happy to hear you are feeling more like you. that's the most important thing in the world. i'm glad you're able to take a little bit of time to do something just for you, to make yourself happy. take care of yourself. xo

Anonymous said...

I've had an absolutely awful day today, and in truth an awful month, and your words are what make me feel better. They help to keep me from crawling into the dark place which you describe. It's so wonderful to read words which are filled with such honesty and clarity. Your blog brightens my day and lightens my soul, and I hope you keep that in mind as you go about your days, the good and bad ones.

Thank you for writing.

Elizabeth said...

I'm glad the sun came out for you. :)

I too find solace in listening to music and making things with my hands. Maybe it's the excitement of creating something new that pushes me out of lethargy, or maybe the mechanical motions of my hands also stir my thoughts to move. In any case, I'm happy to know it helped you.

I also wanted to say thanks for the lovely post card you sent me. It's now displayed prominently on my fridge!

kwhip said...

I am so glad you are feeling happy again!

Lily said...

Reading this gives me hope. I have been feeling exactly the same way, like my life is on repeat, and I am just trying to get by, to make it to the weekend, and then, I blink, and it is monday again... Thank you! Hope you keep feeling better...

Andrea said...

very beautiful Natalie:) I enjoy your blog because I'm going through a very similar time. I appreciate that you share both the hardship and the joy you find at the end. Rock on, you!

Cake & Cup said...

I know exactly what you mean, how you felt, and how it can turn around when you start taking notice of the small, silent spaces in your day and really enjoying them. It seems that my life cycles round and round, and every now and then I come back to that place of overwhelming sadness. Eventually I wake up from it and begin loving life again. It reminds me of the Sufjan Steves song where he writes: "He came to my bedroom, but I was asleep. He woke me up again to say Hallelujah, holy is the sound . . ."
I feel like I fall asleep on life sometimes, but God always wakes me up.

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