i want to write in this space today & be completely authentic. about my life, about my job, about my health, about my work as an artist. & to be completely honest, to be authentic- i have to reveal the not so great parts of my life, the real junk.
since starting my full-time job, my life has felt different. i am beginning to enjoy my job, but the balance of living has been a challenge. i spend most of my days at work & the rest worrying about what i should prioritize when i'm not at work. should i prepare dinner right now?, weed the garden beds?, sweep the three inches of dog hair off the floor?, actually take a shower?, or spend time with my neglected husband? all of these questions lay heavily on my heart as i clock out at 5:30 p.m. & head home.
of course, i've heard it is a challenge for everyone who is brand new to the i just graduated from college & now entering the weird world of full time work club. that doesn't make it any easier, though.
the last two weekends have felt especially hectic. two weekends ago, i drove to columbia to hang a show in the bakery where i used to work. it was an amazing learning experience & i am so thankful for the opportunity to share my story in a place that means so much to me. this past weekend, i woke up at 4 a.m. on saturday to participate in a funky little craft show in oklahoma. it was great & i just love the feeling of being with other artists. here's just a glimpse...
|my show at uprise bakery in columbia, missouri|
|my booth at dustbowl in oklahoma|
as i was driving home from oklahoma in the dark & exhausted, i kept wondering about the direction of my life. i worried about my goals- where i should be, what i should be doing as an artist, when should we buy some land & start a farm.
then, as my thoughts started to go down hill as they so often do, i remembered... i do this for me. regardless of where i am, what i think i should do, i do this for me. i drive hours to share my photography & sell my work because i love it. i stay up late & spend weekends on the road because being an artist brings me joy. i write to you instead of making dinner because being a part of this community is valuable. i am thankful for my life. although it doesn't make sense in the now, i take time out of my life to be creative because that is who i am. & it is all so good.
p.s. if you are wondering, luke & i have learned to schedule very important date nights & our sundays are sacred. we are learning as all young married couples do.